Salvation

your voice rings in my ears
repeatedly
« How dare you ?
How dare you ? »

every mistakes I made
every mistakes I still do
your voice
blames it all on me

it makes me sick
I want to scream
I know what I did
what I still do
I know
I know

yet you won’t hear
’cause you’re not here
you don’t know
you don’t know

I wish there was a button
to delete the records of you in my head
to forget the way you speak
maybe the guilt would fade
maybe the anger would leave

I’m gasping for breath

I know it wouldn’t help
I can’t forget
can’t ignore
can’t numb myself anymore

but I can’t let myself suffer either
so I close my eyes
and pray for help

The answer comes

« let your anger
flow from heart to paper
energy transformed
into a piece of art
makes tomorow better »

Words dripping
I’m scared of sharing this one
knowing you will recognize yourself

but I promised myself
I would learn to love
all of me
so that feelings
still seen as ugly
guilt, fear, anger
would become
forgiveness, strength
vulnerability
salvation from within

one day, I will love you
one day, I will hold you
today, I love and hold myself
for endless tomorows

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